“As I sat in my cell, it was comforting to have a new cellie. At least I wasn’t alone any more.. She started to pace, pissed off that she was in there over the same lying, dyke, ass, bullshit inmate–plus it separated her from her lesbian lover something I learned you don’t get in the mix of while doing time any where any time.) I thought to myself, “Man, I see a lot of crying going on in here,” and I realized that I had been doing the same without acknowledging it. Meaning every time I cried, it seemed like the first time each and every time because I was so use to doing it. I know it sounds crazy, but I had gone through so much in my life that my crying had become a habit that although was seen by others was unseen and concealed from me because it had become like second nature and a part of living invisibly.
I stood up and said, “Don’t trip chocolate chip butch. It ain’t worth your tears or frustration. I mean, think about it, you will end up with more time and another write up and more time locked up, plus away from your boo. Or, you can let it go and face up to her on another day where you know she will run anyway right?”.
Curls, that was her name, just smiled . She said, “Thanks mama G.” I nodded and smiled with acceptance. “Yep. Thaz how I roll , thought you knew.” As I winked my eye, She said, “Its dusty. Lets clean. Got some maxi pads?” I shook my head, “No.” So we banged on the cell door for the guard to get us 3 each. She then showed me how to dust the cell floor with one end of the pad then picked up the dirt with the sticky part as well as cleaned the toilet and mirrors. I was amazed on how well these worked and how clean our cell was. Afterwards, she showed me how to tie the sheets around my bed mattress tightly so it would stay secure and more comfortable.
We ate dinner together, talked for a while, and then I read the Bible while she and her lover window wrote one another. That’s where you stand in opposition of the other inmate and spell out a conversation letter by letter over the whole window . When lights were out you could hear the sniffles of some women crying. I held my bible with tears coming down my face and realizing for the first time that I wasn’t alone. For the first time, I realized I wasn’t the only CRY BABY, and I’m sure there were many more out there in the world just like us–seen and unseen.