As they took me to segregation all kinds of emotions burned inside of me. How dare that man-looking, butch dyke lie. But when you think about it, she was a female just like me, know matter how much she looked and acted like a man.
They put me in my cell in a different pod than max -where I was before. It was dark and gloomy. I laid on my bunk, and for the first time since I set foot in the facility I cried. I felt so alone, frustrated and deceived.
I cried out to God, “Jesus what did I do wrong? This is so unfair.” I was so hurt that it actually felt like the pain was burning my heart. Then all of a sudden, I heard a voice in my cell. At first I thought I was trippin’, but then I heard it again. It was the most powerful, mightiest whisper you could ever hear. “A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger – Proverbs 15:1.” I reached for my Bible and there it was in black and white. As I reread it, my heart was convicted. I had to watch what came out of my mouth. In the same way the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark spark can set a forest fire. – James 3:5 -6. In other words, I needed to watch what came out of my mouth because what we say to others can be perceived wrong, or hurtful, even threatening. It can start a huge fight and problems that will spread just like a wild fire.
I cried really hard at that moment and I think it was just what I needed. I hadn’t cried since the day the DEA kicked in the doors of my house. I sat there for a while. And then I repented. I knew the only one to make me better was Jesus.
After I made my peace with God, I was reading Matthew 18:22-22 in the Bible. Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord how many times should I forgive my brother (and sister) who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you not seven times but seventy seven times.” There it was. I prayed right at that moment, “Lord Its hard to forgive her with all the pain I feel, but I speak into existence forgiveness, no matter how bad it hurts and how much I cant stand her. Please Lord, I forgive her. Help me come to acceptance and receive your grace in doing so. Help me feel it in my heart because its your will and not mine”.
In time I was able to put it past me. To my surprise little by little ,day by day, woman by woman seg was filling up, and it was all due to the same person who was responsible for me being there. And Oh man were the women mad! But I had moved past the same pain they were all dwelling on and it came to pass for me.I realized that forgiving someone is not just the right Godly command of my God but it also releases the other persons power over me. I knew I was in control of my own destiny, and doing it God’s way I found a freedom of dissension ( argument that leads to discord ) a vital part of the way to live not just in incarceration but in life-period.